Adieu
by Polluxa
Summary: [Shounen-ai]Yue is trying to deal with the death of his master and he’s not doing it very well.


**Disclaimers** : Three cheers for **CLAMP**! They're the respectful owners, if not goddesses, of the characters and story. Nothing here belongs to me, except for the angsty twist I've cruelly made them to deal with.  
**Pairing **: Clow x Yue  
**Rating** : It should've been PG, but I opted for **PG-13** due to the angst.  
**Category **: Shounen-ai. Self-angst…. And maybe, a pinch of romance.  
**Warning** : It's not exactly a death-fic since Clow has long been dead in the original story. But since Clow will be dead in this story as well, so maybe it is. Consider yourself forewarned.  
**Summary** : Yue is trying to deal with the death of his master and he's not doing it very well.  
**Note** : This little piece of writing began its career as a compulsory character background for a certain RP yahoo groups. If Yue had his way, Clow wouldn't be dead and this fic would be a whole _lot_ longer with a slightly altered Rating… winks

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**Adieu  
**by Polluxa

"I'll be leaving today."

Clow was smiling. There was neither a slightest trace of trouble nor sadness on his smiling face. He just smiled, as if what he just said was as mundane as a daily chat. He looked rather relieved, but most definitely not sad. His words sounded untrue, yet he sat there looking all sober.

"That's not a funny joke at all, Clow," said Cerberus, his voice tinged with a slight reproach.

"Yet, this isn't one, Cerberus," Clow was still smiling, but his voice sounded resolute.

To Yue, his behavior was unreasonable. It wasn't like Clow to joke about such things. And what he said was serious, despite of the smiling mask he wore. Yue knew it. And he wasn't pleased. He wasn't pleased at all.

"Why?" Yue stepped forward, his wings wavered slightly on his back.

Clow reached out to stroke Yue's cheek with his warm hand. Yue closed his eyes, clearly absorbing the power that flowed from his master's hand onto his skin. The power overwhelmed him, as it usually did every time Clow touched him. It was his cheek his master stroked, yet he felt as if the warm hand was stroking his soul, his inner wall of heart. His master's magic flowed inside his body. He would not let go of this power, thought Yue. Despite of what his master wished. He just wouldn't let it go. He couldn't bear to do so.

"My time has come," answered Clow with a softened tone, "and like any other living thing, I too must face my end. That is why I must complete my preparations tonight."

"What preparations?" asked Cerberus abruptly, slightly surprised to know he wasn't include in his master's affair.

"For your next master."

Yue rose his head, anger flashed raw and sharp in his eyes. "We don't need any other master. I will not submit to anyone but you!"

The smile had not left the man's languid face. It never did. He seemed as if he was telling a lie. A lie Yue didn't wish to hear. But even Yue knew his master wasn't lying. Clow wasn't capable of lying; it was not in his nature. He could twist the truth as easily as he could wound the air around his fingers. Angered and frustrated, Yue clutched his master's cloak. It was a simple gesture but it meant so much to Clow as much as it did to Yue.

Clow took him into his arms, long white fingers ran through the silver veil of Yue's hair compassionately. Frowning in disbelief, Yue buried his face on his master's heavy robe. This man was everything to him. His creator, his master, his friend, his lover. Would this man really abandon him, alone, alone in the world out there. How would he expect Yue to accept such a thing? To live without Clow would only mean death for Yue. Clow was his breath; the pulse of life his heart throbbed; the blood that ran within his veins. But Clow had other plans for his faithful followers.

"Someday, Yue, there will come before you someone, whom you will deem worthy as your new master. You will have to judge that someone and decide for yourself. In time, you will be that person's faithful protector, as faithful as you are to me."

Traces of fear stained Yue's face. Reality had hit him. Hard. Clow really was serious. Clow's words flowed out of his mouth like a death curse that sliced his skin and ripped his heart. His mind screamed in denial, his ears fought not to listen. He clutched his master's robe tighter, truly afraid that Clow would disappear after the last word he spoke.

"_No one_ is worthier than you to be the master of me," hissed Yue raggedly, feeling as he was going mad with desperation. "No one would ever be. I do _not_ need any other master. I do not wish to choose anyone else. If you must go, then I will follow. If I could, I would rather take your place."

"But you know, my Yue, that you can not."

"You're not serious, aren't you, Clow?" even Cerberus sounded really worry now.

The smile faded from Clow's serene face, reducing itself to a slight curve of the lips. "I am, Cerberus. I am serious. This must be done. Forgive me for my own selfishness but this must be done. I need you, both of you, to take care of my creations. You're both my loving friends and loyal guards. I thank you for your service to me all these years. But I can not turn back. This must be done."

Clow bent down, lowering his face to Yue's. He kissed Yue's forehead gently, tenderly, and even almost fatherly. Yue closed his eyes, unashamed of the fact that he couldn't hide his tears. He felt his power, his life source, was being drawn away by that one gentle kiss. He held his master tighter, screaming silently in his heart his refusal to go. But Clow was indeed his creator, the one who held the greater power among them. Yue couldn't do much more than to yield to his master's wish. How ironic it all seemed. He, who had never failed to fulfil his master's wish, was now willing to do anything to deny it.

For one last time, Yue gazed into his master's eyes. Funny... those eyes, which only a few minutes ago looked so calm, were now filled with unspoken regret. Even remorse.

_No!_ Yue clawed his pale fingers into his master's ebony hair. His entire body and mind were denying this. _No! I would not yield. I would not let him go. Not for a lifetime, not now. _

Those eyes were the last things Yue saw and kept in his mind, before he succumbed to the dark consciousness.

Then he woke up.

No, he didn't wake up. He wasn't sleeping after all. Lying in bed, inside Yukito's bedroom, Yue was wide awake. He hadn't been sleeping. It was into his past life his mind had wandered, repeating over and over again the painful memories he didn't wish to remember, yet never managed to forget.

_If I were a mortal, then this mind torture would certainly be the death of me_, he thought.

But he wasn't a mortal. Thus, this would not kill him. Nothing would. It would be easier if he could just die. But nothing was easy with the world. He turned his body on the bed, feeling far too exhausted for another soul-crushing mind torture.

If the memory had hurt him so much, then why did he keep reliving it over and over again? A question that was so easily asked but not as readily answered.

Because that was all he had left of Clow. Memories. Painful, distant memories.

_"Memories are not the only thing Clow inherited us, Yue. The Cards, which we serve to protect, and the magic that runs in our blood, are also the proof of his long-lost existence. We are his heritage, Yue, don't you ever forget that."_

He could remember Cerberus' words only too vaguely. It might hold the truth in them; yes, they might. But they were just words. Empty of meaning to Yue. What mattered to him was that Clow was no longer here with him. Clow would never smile at him, nor run his fingers through his hair, nor whisper sweet wishes in his ears.

So there really wasn't anything else for him to do, was there? Except simply to live, to fulfil his duty for the next master. And to try, somehow, to survive this maddening fever that burnt furiously that was the need of Clow. He would bury it, deep, deep under the cold mask that he wore. Then perhaps, he would eventually perish with depression administered by his own mind torture.

For now, he would try to live through another night. He closed his eyes again. He swallowed the ache in his chest and just closed his eyes. In sleep, he wished to seek for refugee.

Had Yue have stayed awake, he would notice that someone was with him in the room, waiting in the dark until he was lost in the lost depth of sleep. He would see that someone came out of his hiding and sauntered over to the bed. He might be surprised when that someone reached out a hand to stroke him by the hair. He might smile in delight when the kiss was brought upon his lonesome lips and would most certainly fall in love all over again to hear the soft words murmured through the dark air.

"Dream peacefully, my Yue. Dream away. I would see you there where I still have a place I can call my home. Dream away, Yue, just dream. Then maybe you'll find in your heart the forgiveness I couldn't afford to ask of you for all the things I have made you to go through."

But Yue hadn't woken up. He was still lost in his sleep, exactly fulfilling what his master was asking him to do now, just like the faithful servant he had never ceased to be.

End.

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(Fin. Edit: sometime in 2003)


End file.
